


You're the one that's making me strong

by moonlightgalleon



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6941515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightgalleon/pseuds/moonlightgalleon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius are in a relationship during the first war with Voldemort. They have to undergo some hardships due to it-including Remus going to recruit werewolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I already have the plan and so should be updating quite often. I will also update the tags as I go.  
> Please inform me I need to tag any triggers.

Remus sighed heavily as Sirius avoided him once more. It’s been almost three days since their argument-it was more of a shouting match than anything. But both him and Sirius absolutely refuse to back down from their position. In fact, they didn’t talk to each other at all since that fight.

_Remus had returned home with a heavy lump in his throat. He had known this was coming since Dumbledore’s letter came the previous day. It was obvious that the man had petitioned for him to attend Hogwarts only to be used as a pawn in his war against Voldemort. ‘For the greater good’ he thought bitterly. Sirius was pretty oblivious to the reason Dumbledore summoned him. That or he was really a good actor. He had simply inquired a bit vaguely about the letter and Remus could not find it in him at that moment to tell him the truth. He knew how the other man would react and he didn’t need that right now. He felt as though he was himself crumpling from inside-he ~~would not~~ could not comfort Sirius at that moment. So he played oblivious and answered his lover vaguely._

_However, after the meeting with the older wizard, he hadn’t had it in him to act as though he was fine. His small hopes that this wasn’t what he thought were destroyed completely. Albus was unyielding and spoke with Remus in an almost clinical way. But of course, Remus knew he could not say no to that man. He was indebted to him and Dumbledore knew how to get him to agree to anything._

_So now as he passed the doorway, desperately trying to hold on a  bit before the sobs ripped through him, at least for Sirius. But Remus had not been one to keep his emotions inside. He felt his knees giving in as soon as he met curious and worried grey eyes. Sirius was by his side immediately, holding him close._

_Sirius was a bit frantic, terrified of what might have happened. He had put him in bed and made a tea for him. Just after that, Remus felt calm enough-or as calm as he could be- and told Sirius._ _  
_

_Sirius sat next to him in bed, turning so that they could face each other._

_“Dumbledore wants me to go to Serbia. To recruit werewolves. Or at least warn them, before Deatheaters get to them.” Though he kept his gaze fixed on a spot on the bed sheets, he did not miss the way Sirius tensed and the sharp intake of breath. “I said yes.”_ _  
_

_Silence. Sirius did not say anything at first. Remus could not decide whether he ought to be worried or not. And as if on cue, Sirius let out a strangled cry._ _  
_ _“Re please. You don’t have to. Love please, don’t go. I… Please don’t go.” He was practically begging. His grey eyes were welled up with tears and his bottom lip was trembling._

_Remus felt his throat tightening again at this sight. Forcing his gaze away, he whispered the next words. “I can’t. I have to go…” He could feel his eyes prickling. “I could not say no. I…Pads…please”_

_But it seemed as though this snapped the black-haired man from his vulnerable state. Even with the tears in his eyes and some on his cheeks, he looked angry. His jaw went tensed, his grey eyes furious and his breaths sharp and short. “Yes! You could have said NO! You just say it!” He shouted._

_Remus felt himself getting angry despite himself and answering back just as furiously. “NO! I could not say no! BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING WEREWOLF! And there isn’t anything else I can do.”_

_Then without him realizing, they were both fighting, shouting at each other. Sirius accused him of not considering him and caring for him. And Remus of not understanding him. That he had to do this. He owed it to Dumbledore._ _  
_ _When they finally stopped, they were still furious but tired, both of them panting heavily. It was already dark outside without either of them noticing. Sirius just grabbed his pillow and blanket and made his way to the couch._

Sirius had slept on the couch for the past three nights and Remus missed him. Missed him so much it ached. The Order meeting had ended some minutes ago. He could see Sirius talking with James. And judging from the passion of Sirius’ gestures and the way James’ eyes kept meeting his, it wasn’t hard to guess the subject of the conversation.

He sighed again, for what felt like the thousandth time and was already making his way out when Alice caught up with him. They made some polite conversation before he was able to escape again. He was on the verge of apparating to the flat when Sirius came running at him.

“Moony wait. Please.” He already felt his heart swelling at the nickname.  
Sirius was a bit flushed and looked a bit apologetic. Glancing behind Sirius, he saw James grinning and giving a thumbs-up. They didn’t say anything, simply holding out his hand, which Sirius took and they apparated to their flat.  
Sirius pinned him to the wall, crowding his space. He was cradling Remus’ jaw, their faces so close that they were sharing breaths. Remus felt his thumb drawing across his cheek and leaned into the contact. He had missed Sirius so much.

“Moons I’m so sorry I was an arse. I know how hard it is for you and I was making it worse. I…fuck…I am so terrified of losing you.”

“I am sorry too Pads.” His hand was fisted into the front of Sirius’ shirt. “For everything I said. I am so-”

“Don’t be. I know I was being twat. You’re going in less than two weeks and I was wasting our time togeth-”

He didn’t even manage to complete his sentence because Remus kissed at that moment. Sirius had placed his hand on the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. It tasted of tears, passion, terror and desperation.  
They made their way to the room. Taking more time to remove their clothes, to kiss and worship every piece of skin, whispering words of love and comfort, making vows and promises.

Their skins were flushed against each other, their foreheads pressed together. “God I love you so much Pads. So much that I feel I’m ripping my limbs off.”  
Sirius made a choked sound. “You’ll come home. Please. You’ll come back.”  
They held each other, so tight that night. They had this for now. And for the next two weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW Mentions of alcohol

Sirius was staring at some vague stain on the floor while Moody went on and on in the meeting. For all he tried, he could not bring himself to care about what the Order meeting was about this time. The past two weeks with Remus had flown by without him knowing, despite spending almost every minute with Moony, he felt that it was not enough.

He recalled the day Remus left, he hadn’t taken much with him. Sirius sat on the bed while he was getting ready. He felt his throat tightening again, tears threatening to leak away, but he swallowed them all. He knew it was already hard for the other man, he was not going to make it worse now. So he put on his best smile, chatting about the weather and breathing in Remus’ scent from his pillows. _Don’t cry. Not in front of him. You’ll have all the time once he’s gone._ They had kissed desperately until the last minute, pouring all their love in that one kiss. Remus pressed their foreheads together, looking at those beautiful grey eyes. “I love you so much Sirius. So fucking much. I’ll be back I promise.”

Sirius felt a sob ripping through his throat. Not trusting his voice, he nodded and captured the tawny-haired man’s lips in passionate kiss again. Then Remus pulled away and went. He dissaparated and Sirius finally allowed himself to break down. Finally all his tears could flow and his knees gave in, crumbling onto the kitchen’s floor.

That night, Sirius lied in their bed, staring at the ceiling, hugging Remus’ pillow to his stomach and begging to some deity that he did not believe in to keep Remus safe. After some time, he felt sleep creeping in and he allowed himself to be taken willingly. He would take whatever he could to avoid feeling like that.

Back to the meeting, he felt someone knocking his knees with theirs. He turned, with a scowl on his face, ready to lash some of his fear and frustration and came face to face with James’ worried expression. Immediately feeling guilty, he tried to smile apologetically but apparently that came mostly as a grimace since James looked even more concerned and gave him a reassuring squeeze on his knees. It was then that he realized that James was as scared and worried as him for Remus. They had been friends for as much time. Looking to James’ right, he notices Peter sitting there and Lily sitting on the opposite of the circle, with a down turn to her lips. He heard James sighing when he followed his line of sight and saying something about discussing that later. This time, Sirius tried to pay more attention to whatever Moody was saying. At the end of the meeting, he finally faced James and took him apart. Peter joined the pair. He was looking so scared and tired. Like everyone to be honest. He constantly had dark circles around his eyes and his blond hair seemed wispier than before.

“How are you feeling Sirius?” Peter asked him almost cautiously. “Just fine” he answered after a long pause. Because honestly what could he say? That he was missing Remus so much that he felt as if he left ripping his heart from his chest. That he was feeling so scared for Remus, dreadful scenarios constantly playing in his mind, that he felt so frustrated from not being able to help him or at least be with him, that Remus would be facing the first full moon alone without him since fourth year. Both James and Peter looked like they didn’t believed him, but at least they knew better than to force him to say anything.

“Listen James, about you and Lily-” he started.

“We’re thinking about breaking up. It’s not working. We both know it. We’re constantly fighting.” He sighed and his shoulders sagged visibly. “Maybe we are too young. And together too fast. I… fuck I don’t know.”

The two other men said nothing. There was not much to said itself.

***

Sirius could not help feeling like everything was falling apart. It seemed as though James and Lily were on the verge of separating, Remus, with whom he had dreamed of spending every day with was now somewhere in Serbia, maybe familiarizing with a pack of werewolves, maybe getting attacked for having received an education or having socialized with wizards and Sirius had to way of knowing. And it seemed obvious Peter was very much affected by this war. The little boy who always tried too hard to be funny or smart like his friends was now maybe trapped in something he did not know. He was balding, thinning, having dark circles round his eyes and constantly in a state of fear.

Sirius could not help directing all that hatred and anger towards Dumbledore. That old man who knew how to play his cards to make everyone a pawn of his. And yest, despite all those steps, people were dying. Just yesterday, Marlene and Mary escaped narrowly from deatheaters. They were outnumbered three to one and it was pure luck that they got only a few hexes.

And then again, his thoughts were back to Remus. _What if this war destroyed their relationship just like James and Lily. He hated himself for thinking like this. What if Remus found someone more worthy in those packs?_ He knew it was his insecurities speaking. Every word coming out of his parents’ mouth, about how worthless he was, how he was useless, how he would not succeed in anything, that no one would love him. But then Remus loved him. And then, there was that incident in- _Okay, no he would not think of that. He did not need to think of that. Because Remus would come back. He promised._

***

Sirius was sat in the pub, unwilling to go at first since Remus would be coming back either today or the next morning. According to Dumbledore, _it would be how well things went_. Sirius had to restrain himself from shouting at the older man when he told him that. James was the one who invited him and Peter but the other boy could not make it because of his ill mother. So it was just James and Sirius tonight. James was already pissed by now, he had tried to drown his sorrow in all the alcohol he could. He kept babbling on and on about how much he wished there wasn’t a war, that him and Lily didn’t rush into a relationship, how much he was ashamed that he was relieved that it was finally over.

Sirius listened as well as he could though his mind kept drifting off. Remus being the one on whom his mind keep wandering. what if he returned tonight to the flat, in too bad shape to read the note Sirius left, or that he did not return at all. “Let me grab some water for you mate. You’re too pissed right now.” James mumbled some incoherent words and Sirius took that as an affirmative response. He grabbed the water and came back to their table, placing water first, before sliding to his place. Except that he did not sit at all. He was frozen on his spot. He glanced towards the door when it opened and he could not believe his eyes. Because Remus Lupin was standing there, his eyes scanning the crowd. He stood there looking perfectly fine, smiling, with no aches or new bruises.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find on tumblr @remusmoonyblack-lupin


End file.
